Don't Take The Road I Took, Sister

I am at a place, a yucky place. A place where I don't know if I should intervene or just let it be. I am very concerned for my sister, her husband and most importantly, my sweet nephew. I just want her to know that I am not judging her or her actions, but trying to show her THE Light. A marriage will not work if you do not lay yourselves down completely before God and each other. They are at that six to seven year mark where so many marriages fail, where I failed the first time. I know that God is the only one who can truly intervene in their marriage, but I also know that they are not at a point where they can listen to Him.

What do I do? He has health problems, she is unsupportive. She emasculates him and doesn't respect him. He walks all over her and says cruel things. It is like watching my life 5 years ago unfold AGAIN before my eyes. It is painful and they will never understand how it affects everyone else, because they can't see past their own skin. She is too good to go to counseling or to listen to me. He has just completely shut down, scared to be in his own skin.

Lord, please intervene. Please open their eyes and crush their stubborn hearts. Break them and build them. Please don't let them get to a point where they hate each other so much that they do not think of how it is affecting their child. The child YOU gave them, Father. They need You, they need You to crush the narcissism, to heal the disease. God, please help them. I cannot bear to see my nephew hurt in the same ways that my daughter hurt. Protect my nephew, Lord. Lord, guide me in what you want me to do in the situation.

It's like having all of the answers to a test, but you can't speak or write.

Ainsley

The first picture is just, plain 'ol Ainsley Sass!

The second one is when she lost her tooth a month ago. :) I just haven't posted the picture! Those blue eyes melt me!!

While she is out of town this week, I am going to try to work out EVERY day! We'll see how it goes!

I'm having one of THOSE days. We got up late, at 7:30, 15 minutes before Ainsley has to be at school.

Then, I step on the scale... I've GAINED 8 pounds since amping up my workout? This is frustrating me to no end!!!

Third, I get to work (on time, miraculously) and the 'ol office hags are whispering, glancing at me, whispering. This is a daily occurence, as there have been a couple of people here for 10+ years and they think they own the place, and I've come in and streamlined things... They hate that I "do things different." It's been 8 months, GET OVER IT!!!!

And, lastly, we have a stinking wedding and rehearsal dinner to go to this weekend. I would usually look forward to the occasion, except Ainsley was supposed to go. We told everyone that Ainsley was going. Now my ex-husband is taking her to Houston for 8 days, and she's not going. And the whole night will be "Where is Ainsley? Where is Ainsley?" and I'll have to be reminded 100 times that things are different with us and I don't get to have my daughter every day.

Lately, this has been excrutiating for me. I often feel like Ainsley does not get invited by friends to do things because of the custody situation. That people don't want to "subject" their kids to it.

Ok, I'm done venting and will focus on the blessings for the rest of the day. :)

Whew, I did it!!!

Since taking this job, I have felt a real calling to do SOMETHING with these women here. Most of them are not Christian, or, if they are, they do not walk with Christ. I have been doing the "Experiencing God" study and it has really changed me. After praying last night, I discovered that God wants me to start a Bible study with these women. They are all young, professional and all are either married and/or have kids. I chose "Victoriously Frazzled" as the study, since it's fun and pretty easy to lead.

I sent the email out about 30 minutes ago... I'm praying that at least someone will respond and that I will not get persecuted for following God. This job has been a true test of my faith, as most of these women are catty and some are just cruel. UPDATE: One girls has responded, the only one that shares faith with me.

On another note, here are some fun pictures. The first one is of Ainsley on the day she lost her first tooth. It was a couple of weeks ago, and we have since cut her hair to her chin, so I'll try to get a new pic of her this week!

The second one is of our dog, Macy. She went into heat before we got her scheduled to be spayed. I have never had the joy of dealing with a dog in heat, and those stupid doggie diapers were the biggest waste of $10 I've ever spent. Desperate times call for creative measures. I took a pair of Ainsley's Curious George panties, cut a hole for the tale, stuck an extra long maxi pad in them, and VOILA... It worked!

My Boss Called Me Stupid

So, I broke out the old IQ Test. Why I care, I don't know... Just wanted to make sure that I am not clinically "stupid."

Please pray for my career. I feel God leading me in another direction and I can't get there fast enough.

Proud Mama!

God has blessed me far beyond what I ever thought was possible. He constantly reminded me when I was pregnant and so sick and even when I coded, that this child would be worth it all.

She has grown so much over the past few months (not height-wise, as she's STILL small), but in her personality. She is HILARIOUS (the other night she gave us her own American Idol audition which I will post the video to later), she is super smart and she is the most loving person I know. She loves so hard and with all of her heart.

This morning, she was on the announcements and since I couldn't be there, her Dad called so Austin and I could listen in. Her little voice is so confident. The Assistant Principal was playing the Aggie song (apparently the Aggies won last night), and Ainsley had to deliver the "thought of the day" after the Aggie song. So, she her part "A place for everything and everything in its place," and then shouts out a hugs "GO TEXAS TECH!" Of course, every adult in the office was laughing at her non-provoked taunting.

We also found out today that her teacher wants to give her an intelligence test. Ainsley has been extremely bored with the work in Kindergarten this year. I would not normally BOAST about intelligence, but she was preemie with heart and breathing problems that wasn't expected to even live. I did not take a single prenatal vitamin (except the ones they gave me via IV). She had very little oxygen through the birth process, she didn't walk until she was a year and a half old and had horrible reflux.

Anytime I get down, I look at my living miracle and just feel so blessed. Her sweet personality and her smarts are just icing on the cake!

Mental Health Day?

Ok, so I played hookie from work today and invited Austin to join with me. Our house has been a wreck since Christmas and I just am not feeling all that great these days and wanted to spend a whole day with him. I was tempted to call Ainsley in, also, but resisted, knowing I wouldn't get anything done that way.

I took the route of lying. I called in and said that Ains was sick. That's horrible, I know, but my work expects me to be there when I am sick, unless I am in a hospital bed. Austin took the honest route.. saying that he was just taking the day off to do things around the house. Well, guess which one is going to work this afternoon? Not me! I'm so frustrated. His work is a blessing, but drives me bonkers sometimes. It seems that he covers for his co-worker ALL the time because something is ALWAYS going on with him and he's not at work, but my husband can't take one stinking day off with out everyone freaking out.

I am glad my boss has the same philosophy as me when it comes to advertising... "We're not curing cancer here, people." Throughout my 10 year career, I have always established boundaries with my employers, clients, co-workers, etc. letting them know that my family always comes first. Sure, it's lost me a couple of jobs, but in the end, I do my work much better when I know things are taken care of home.

So, here's to my mental health day.