Random Thoughts

I am looking forward Holy Week this year. I pray that the Holy Spirit is renewed within me.

My daughter was chosen to speak a part during the Kindergarten performance tonight, and I have never been prouder. She is amazing and there is something so incredibly special about her. She has an old and forgiving soul. I love her.

My husband is amazing. I had a full on mental breakdown (will get to that later) earlier this week and he just held me. I don't know why God gave me such a caring husband. He is my piece of Jesus of here on earth.

I hate the Atkins diet. I LOVE carbs. I used to be a vegetarian, which was an anti-protein diet. It churns my stomach to think that I HAVE to eat so much meat. Barf! Peanut butter is only good for a few days before you start to hate it, too.

My mom has lived in my grandparents' house since they both went to Heaven. She recently had the front of the house completely redone, in a completely different color. Today, when I picked up Ainsley, it was the first time that it hit me that it's not their house anymore. My sister and I had strong opinions against my mom living in that house, but she's making it her own. I'm proud for her.

I have an eye infection and have to put antibiotic ointment in it. It's totally gross and makes my vision blurry. I spent an ten minutes cleaning my glasses before realizing that it was the ointment in my eye, not a spot on my glasses.

I am getting frustrated with Hashimoto's Disease. I want to kick it in the ass. As much as I hate to say it, the truth is, I'm starting to give up hope that I will ever "recover." It's a freaking roller coaster of physical and mental symptoms and I am running out of coping skills. I don't even pray for healing anymore, just that I have the energy to go to work and take care of my family. Recently, I've felt too bad to do either. I am frustrated that I happen to have a disease that attacks you mentally and physically. It doesn't help that my hormones are all jacked up, too. It's like being pregnant, having PMS and menopausal all at the same time.

I hate when my boss says "I feel bad for you because you have major medical problems." I don't want pity, I want to feel better.

I've started talking with an old friend who hurt me during the hardest time in my life. God wanted me to initiate friendship with her again, but I'm not sure I've forgiven her.

Ainsley goes to school with 4 of the same kids she went to preschool with. They have all known each other since they were 2 and a half and are a very close group. It is amazing to see them grow. I pray that they are the kind of group that will always be friends. They are all so different, but precious, special children.

I wish that people put as much into Easter as they do for Christmas. As Christians, shouldn't Easter be the time when we get a week off of work and celebrate? It's OUR day, as Christians, and I'm not sure how a giant bunny that breaks into your house fits into Jesus' Resurrection.

I'm still working on the "Experiencing God" Bible study. My Pastor did an awesome thing by recommending it to me. It's like he knew what I was going through without me giving him all the gory details.

The part I did last night really hit home. It was about praying that God helps you understand your circumstances and the other half of the story, instead of crying out the "why me's?" I'm definitely past the "why me" stage, but I do go through these times when I'm frustrated.

I love those nights when Austin and I sit at the computer and listen to music. We usually end up finding stuff we've never heard before. We waste hours doing this sometimes.

I love reading the Bible. There is not a sentence in there that is not perfection.

"But when Jesus heard about it he said, "Lazurus's sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from this." - John 11:4

Use this sickness, Lord for YOUR glory!