Verse

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Questions, Gifts, Frustrations, Answers

I have had a very sorry attitude lately about church. I seem to be deeply connected to God in every other facet of my life, except church. When I am there, I am restless inside, I cannot sit still. Every little thing brings me to a point of rage. It was not like this 2 months ago and I am praying for answers.

I am not sure if it is time to leave the church or stay and work through it. I feel like God is leading me to ask questions and I am trying to make sure that it isn't just me, that it is truly God leading me. He has placed these questions on my heart over and over and the strange thing is, when I go to another church that I have been led to, these EXACT questions are answered. What do I make of this?

I do feel like if I ask a question in my church, I am viewed as a trouble-maker. I have taken the spiritual gifts test (from my church) three times, and every single time, I get the results of Prophecy, Encouragement and Mercy. All within one point of each other.

What do they even mean? Am I allowed to ask such questions of our church leadership?

Friday, October 2, 2009

What is "Normal," Anyway?

God has blessed me. I absolutely love being a part of His work. He is allowing me to work with some of his most amazing creations. It is overwhelming that He loves me this much. I recently got moved from LHS to a middle school. And while it has been so hard leaving my LHS student, I put it in God's hands and have had a beautiful experience at the middle school. The teachers I work with are wonderful and now I want to stay there!!! I honestly forget that these kids are "special," or whatever label people want to call them. They are wonderful kids who have experienced so much in their short lives. I have a respect for them for the things they have endured. I love them!

A-1- She is beautiful. Her only set back is a few learning disabilities. She will be fine and live an independent life. She is a typical, girly 14 year old girl that helps out all of the other kids in the house. She is sweet and will probably be in inclusion classes when she goes to high school.

E- He was "normal" until a few years ago when he suffered a traumatic brain injury. He was riding his bike and got hit by a semi. He dances ALL the time, constantly makes jokes and claims he is his mom's favorite kid.

A-2- She looks completely "normal." She would definitely be a cheerleader if she hadn't been thrown against a wall as a baby. She has a heart of gold and adores Ainsley. She is the eldest sister of 6 girls and she is beautiful.

A-3-She is the female Napoleon. She was also born "typical." At 18 months old, her grandmother accidentally ran over her in the driveway, leaving her blind and mentally retarded. These TBI's are hard to swallow, but she reads Braille amazingly.

K-A gorgeous red-headed little girl that is learning how to drive a purple power chair. She is as cute as a button. She was born at 24 weeks, which is why she is "special needs." She loves to be around people and she loves to sing. She is precious.

M-He is autistic. Not Asperger's, but full-blown autistic. He is usually VERY serious and says weird things like "Fish Eating Crabs" or "Roger, that" and you must answer his questions with "Affirmative or Negative." He is quirky, he is big. He and I have connected (have I mentioned I LOVE autistic kids??) and even though he can be rough and he screams like a girl, he knows that I can see through that and I appreciate his world. We talk and hang out a lot during the day. He has an autistic brother at home, so his mother certainly has his hands full. He's just a big teddy bear and he knows all of the presidents of the US in order, I might add!!

L-Oh, L. He was the reason for my reassignment. He is autistic and completely unmedicated. He has been homeschooled until this year, so he has never really been around other adults or children. Before I was reassigned, he was a runner. Once, he ran 2 blocks from the school before anyone caught up with him. He is smart and loves the computer and is the loviest autistic child I have ever been around. Even though there are days when he will not allow anyone into his world, I love to hear him say "Okay, Mrs. Jones."

Oh, how I love these kids. Some days are truly like living in a nursing home or a funny farm, but I would not trade it for anything. And even though this kids are labeled as "not normal," I find it amazing that God would put them in my path. They are beautiful, special children and I cannot imagine teaching "normal" kids. I also love that Ainsley loves to spend time after school with them and wants to be there everyday. God is good!!!