Mercy Me, I Have Pneumonia!

I cannot seem to find the words to describe this weekend.

Friday night, I thought would just be a fun "concert." But God had different plans for me. Somewhere in there, I found myself heavily grieving my Ne-Ne. She died so suddenly and it hurts so bad that I get these bursts of grief. I am thankful that the grief only comes in spurts because it is so incredibly painful. She was my rock, she was my mom. Even though she's been in Heaven for over a year, I still find myself picking up the phone to call her and tell her about my day. Oh, how she adored Ainsley and would be so in love with her right now. Losing both of my grandparents, my favorite people in the world, so close together is achingly hard. My Ne-Ne just could not wait to join Pa-Pa in heaven. I often have a vision of their two smiling faces looking down on all of us, even though my selfishness still wishes at least one of them were still here. Pa-Pa and Austin would have been a great pair!

Saturday morning, I woke up and still felt so horrible from the cold I had all week. Something felt "off," so I went to the clinic. When they told me I have pneumonia, it was like getting punched in the chest (well, I already felt that way to begin with). Work was calling me over and over about running a wrong commercial and I was so frustrated. I had a mini-meltdown, crying to my mom that work sucks the life out of me and I would not be so sick had I not had to go back to work. Honestly, sometimes I just think I was not bred for working. All it is to me is money. So, I get the work thing taken care of and get my boss off my back ( I DO NOT work on Saturdays and sometimes I hate that we have cell phones)!

I was feeling awful, but we had bought MercyMe tickets for $50 and I really didn't want them to go to waste or regret not going, so, God gave me enough energy to get in the shower and get there.

Austin and I laugh because I am one of those people who has to be slapped in the face by God to truly get it. MercyMe was promoting "Compassion," where you sponsor a child. For some reason, I raise my hand to receive one of the packets. It's for an 11 year old girl in Haiti with some major health problems. After we already agree that we are supposed to take care of this little girl, Austin looks in the envelope and sees that there is an update on her... She is in the hospital with pneumonia. It took my breath away.

Later in the concert, a teary Bart was talking about his son's type I diabetes and how he has to remind himself everyday that it has to, somehow, be for God's glory. Somedays, he reminds himself of that every hour. I finally got it. It is okay for me to have to remind myself that this broken body of mine must be for God's glory. I'm not a bad Christian if I have to repeat that to myself over and over. I have always felt guilty for being scared or angry when it comes to my illnesses, and I realized last night that it is okay.

So, even though I am missing my Ainsley, it was healing weekend. I never thought I could be blessed by pneumonia, but God made it happen. Going to spend the rest of the weekend taking care of this broken body of mine and loving on my husband.