I Am Embarrassed.

God has been laying something very heavy on my heart. Something I have always been afraid to admit to myself, much less others. And I am pretty sure that this job situation is meant for me come to terms with it and let it go.

I think it all boils down to: I am embarrassed.

I am embarrassed because I have gained so much weight.
I am embarrassed because my face is broken out with acne, despite ProActive.
I am embarrassed because I am divorced.
I am embarrassed because my daughter does not get to live with us every day.
I am embarrassed when my daughter repeatedly asks why we do not all live in the same house all the time.
I am embarrassed of the neighborhood we live in.
I am embarrassed that our cars are 12 years old and falling apart.
I am embarrassed that I have lost so many jobs.
I am embarrassed that my hair is truly gray, and I hide it with color.
I am embarrassed that my grandmother did not leave me anything, even though I thought I was the closest person to her.
I am embarrassed that my mom always chooses my sister over me.
I am embarrassed that my sister had an easy pregnancy, making it look like I was just over-dramatic.
I am embarrassed that we will probably not have anymore children.
I am embarrassed that I cannot seem to reach a point of stability in my career and that I have lost so many jobs.
I am embarrassed that I make less money now than I did right out of college, despite having 11 years experience.
I am embarrassed that I do not know more about the Bible.
I am embarrassed that I pulled Austin into this financial pit of medical bills and losing jobs.

I need to set these things aside, quit hiding and be comfortable with God has given us.