Proud Mama!

God has blessed me far beyond what I ever thought was possible. He constantly reminded me when I was pregnant and so sick and even when I coded, that this child would be worth it all.

She has grown so much over the past few months (not height-wise, as she's STILL small), but in her personality. She is HILARIOUS (the other night she gave us her own American Idol audition which I will post the video to later), she is super smart and she is the most loving person I know. She loves so hard and with all of her heart.

This morning, she was on the announcements and since I couldn't be there, her Dad called so Austin and I could listen in. Her little voice is so confident. The Assistant Principal was playing the Aggie song (apparently the Aggies won last night), and Ainsley had to deliver the "thought of the day" after the Aggie song. So, she her part "A place for everything and everything in its place," and then shouts out a hugs "GO TEXAS TECH!" Of course, every adult in the office was laughing at her non-provoked taunting.

We also found out today that her teacher wants to give her an intelligence test. Ainsley has been extremely bored with the work in Kindergarten this year. I would not normally BOAST about intelligence, but she was preemie with heart and breathing problems that wasn't expected to even live. I did not take a single prenatal vitamin (except the ones they gave me via IV). She had very little oxygen through the birth process, she didn't walk until she was a year and a half old and had horrible reflux.

Anytime I get down, I look at my living miracle and just feel so blessed. Her sweet personality and her smarts are just icing on the cake!

Mental Health Day?

Ok, so I played hookie from work today and invited Austin to join with me. Our house has been a wreck since Christmas and I just am not feeling all that great these days and wanted to spend a whole day with him. I was tempted to call Ainsley in, also, but resisted, knowing I wouldn't get anything done that way.

I took the route of lying. I called in and said that Ains was sick. That's horrible, I know, but my work expects me to be there when I am sick, unless I am in a hospital bed. Austin took the honest route.. saying that he was just taking the day off to do things around the house. Well, guess which one is going to work this afternoon? Not me! I'm so frustrated. His work is a blessing, but drives me bonkers sometimes. It seems that he covers for his co-worker ALL the time because something is ALWAYS going on with him and he's not at work, but my husband can't take one stinking day off with out everyone freaking out.

I am glad my boss has the same philosophy as me when it comes to advertising... "We're not curing cancer here, people." Throughout my 10 year career, I have always established boundaries with my employers, clients, co-workers, etc. letting them know that my family always comes first. Sure, it's lost me a couple of jobs, but in the end, I do my work much better when I know things are taken care of home.

So, here's to my mental health day.

And we're back!!!

Wow! The past couple of weeks have gone by so fast!

First, we went to Puerto Vallarta. We had some travel delays along the way, but we made it right before sunset. We had a blast in Mexico and Ainsley loved it. Hearing her speak Spanish was the cutest thing ever! This trip was much more cultural than any of the others and I really enjoyed that aspect of it.

Here are pics from the trip.

This was the first time Austin, Ains and I have been somewhere together. And even though the 2 of them kicked me out of the king sized bed and I slept on the couch, I loved the special time the three of us had together. Ainsley was so happy!! It's wonderful to see how much the bond between Austin and Ainsley strengthens.

I got a sore throat in Mexico, but did not let it bother me. I suspected it was strep, but since I rarely get strep, assumed it was a cold. On the way home I developed a horrible itchy rash. I went to the doc on the 24th and my strep swab (which I hate! No, really, poke me with a thousand needles, just don't swab my throat) came back negative and I was told it was viral.

A few hours later, Ains and I get a violent stomach bug. I end up in the hospital, Ains is with my mom puking and opening up Santa gifts in between puking. :) We find out that the rest of the family (minus Linley) that we traveled with got the same bug... It multiplies like crazy. All of Ainsley's dad's family gets it.. It was rotten.

That was Christmas Day. I go back to the doc the after Christmas and he tells me he sent my blood off and it is strep. Austin is feeling pretty crappy by this point, too.

I went back to work today, still feeling icky and feverish. My stomach is finally back to normal, but I feel like I have the flu. This happened last year when I got back from Mexico and I'm just so frustrated. I do not think I have ever spent so much time praying for mercy.

My goal for 2009 is to do whatever it takes to remain as healthy as possible. I cannot take anymore of these illnesses. A simple case of strep brings complete havoc to my body and it frustrates me to no end.

I felt so bad that my mom spent so much time preparing a "perfect" Christmas, with Santa, and a yummy lunch and I didn't even see her on Christmas.

BUT WAIT! Something good did come of all this. My husband has shown me more grace than I could ever deserve. He's had a hard time with the sympathy/mercy things in our marriage, but he took amazing care of me. He was my answered prayer during all of this, especially when he held me in the hospital when I began crying at 7am, realizing that I was going to miss Ainsley opening her Santa gifts and I would not have another chance to see her do that for 2 years. He has an amazing way of picking up my pieces and putting them back together. I love you, Austin!!

If I could ask for one prayer it would be for health into the New Year. I started the past 2 years off pretty sick and I just want to start off well.

Happy New Year!

What a wonderful day!

As hectic as Sundays usually are, today was wonderful and filled with the Spirit. We had a great church experience. God used me, unexpectedly, to show grace and love to a friend in great need (which was an amazing experience, thank you, Lord, for using me! I feel so undeserving of such a blessing).

Our house is clean, woohoo! I LOVE for the house to be clean when we leave town, so that our home is cozy and comfy when we get back.

I actually baked today, which was fun.

We had a wonderful small group time. God has put us with such a group of amazing people. I am absolutely humbled by it. And, we as talked about witnessing tonight, a little light bulb went off in my head (usually a sign that God is about to do something great), and He did.

On the way home, Ainsley said that she was afraid that she was going to die in her sleep tonight. Flashbacks rushed over me as I remembered lying awake so many nights as a child with that same fear. It was already an hour past her bed time, but I needed to talk to her more about this. I had bought her a bedtime prayer and devotion book for Christmas, but decided that tonight was the night to give it to her.

She opened it and, while she loves books, she wondered why I had let her open it tonight. We had an open and honest conversation about being anxious (she also developed a stomach ache right after telling us that she was afraid to die in her sleep). I explained to her that while I was growing up, no one ever told me who God was, and I spent so many nights worry what would happen if I died in my sleep. I told her that it took me a long time, but I finally turned my life over to Jesus and trusted Him with that.

I went on to tell her more about how much God loves her and how He will protect her and that He knows she is afraid. We read a story about how God uses our talents to service Him, and I used her piano recital at the nursing home as an example. How God had used her to brighten their day and give them something to look forward to and how happy they were to have children playing for and mingling with them. She said "Wow, God chose me for that?"

We ended in an emotional prayer. She actually broke down before God and asked for his help in not being scared. It was the most pure moment I have ever been a part of. It almost felt like she had accepted Christ tonight, although I am sure she is technically too young. It was amazing to be able to say to her what could have helped me as a child. She is so much like me, that it scares me sometimes, but it is also exciting in that I have some insight into her insecurities.

Thank you, Lord, for using me to witness to my daughter, to show her The Way, The Truth and The Light. Thank you for our friends and our family. Most of all, thank you for my wonderful husband who has unshakable faith and constantly reminds me to fully trust in You.

Ne-Ne and Pa-Pa

I miss them both, so incredibly much. Especially during times of family difficulties, I am reminded of what a blessing they were in my life. I am sad you are gone from this earth, but glad you are together in Heaven, rejoicing.

Whew!! I think I dodged a bullet!!!

I went to the ENT today, fully expecting to be told that I need surgery (Kim Downer, yes). Well, after a few tests, it seems that I have some hearing loss in my left ear (the one that is always giving me problems), and that type of hearing loss, along with tinnitus (probably related to my auto-immune disorders) cause my symptoms!!! I still have to go to a 2nd opinion ENT next week, because my doctor said he saw a certain kind of cyst/tumor in my ear, but for now, this is the best medical appointment I've had!! I'd rather be deaf than deal with surgery. So, I will keep praying for next week's appointment.

On another note, I wish we could all reflect on how blessed we are. Austin and I visited the soup kitchen at Family Church tonight and it really hit home. There are so many homeless and hungry in our own community, yet most of us ignore them day after day. I felt so secure knowing that I had a warm home to go to and loving husband and child to take care of, while these people were taking a bus back to the library, where many of the homeless sleep.

Count your blessings!

Holidays and Naivety

I do not consider myself naive, except when it comes to the Holidays. Up until the last few years, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas was my favorite part of the year. Sadly, "The most wonderful time of the year" tends to get more stressful with each year. It is hard having Ainsley's birthday right before or after Thanksgiving, but we always seem to make it work.

This year we got Ainsley a swing set. My mom, Austin's parents and Austin and I all put money together to get Ainsley the absolute coolest playground ever! Sadly, I think this swing set caused way too much stress for all of us. Everyone had to let Ainsley know that they paid for a part of it or that so and so worked an hour on it. It was quite unnerving, really. Ainsley could care less who paid for it or who put it together. All she cares about is that it is in her backyard!! It reminded me of the days when my grandmother would leave the price tags on everything and include the receipt (with the price on it) with all the gifts.

Fast forward a couple of days to her party. My mom and her other grandmother got her a DS. My mom was mad. My mom buys her a swimming puppy, which her great-grandmother also happened to buy her. My dad gets her roller skates, my mother-in-law gets her roller skates. Somehow, I end up taking the hit on all of these, as if I am the Ultimate Gift Controller.

It makes me sad that we get so tied up in "stuff." And, honestly, I am upset at some of our family for taking away some of my enjoy in celebrating the birth of my only child. It is hurtful when the women are so catty about petty things.

Sometimes, with Austin's family, I feel like I am will never be good enough or will never live up to their expectations. My family has enough of it's own problems... All of our families' problems boil down to narcissism, and I really feel if we were living according to God's word, we would end the narcissism and put each other first.

So, as of December 1st, I am going to enjoy the Holidays. I am going to love my Christmas tree (even though some consider it an idol), I am going to play Santa... I am going to experience Christmas again and ignore all the family hoopla.