Thankfulness and Randomness

Wow, I'm 31. In some ways it feels old, but I have to admit that the thirties are liberating. You have just enough wisdom to not make stupid mistakes anymore, but still so much life ahead of you to look forward to. God is telling me that this is going to be an amazing year and I am just going to sit back, relax and let Him unfold his plans.

On another note, my baby is starting kindergarten. It just does not seem possible. Keeping my nephew today reminded me of how fast my baby has grown up. It seems cliche, but just yesterday she was learning to walk and babbling (a LOT)! And now she is this complex, brilliant, sensitive little person about to start a 16 year walk in education. In some ways, she and I are excited, but I think we both know that it will be a new chapter in our lives. We've gotten so close being together every day this summer and it's going to be hard not to have her all to myself during the day. She's not only my daughter, but my little friend. I'm praying that I get this job just to ease the transition for both of us.

I absolutely love being an aunt. I feel so blessed to be able to spend so much time with my nephew. I love that he knows his "Aunt Kiki" and acts completely spoiled around me. I adore that as soon as he sees me, he reaches out his arms for me to hold him and wants no one else to carry him around. I enjoyed just lying down with him, relaxing. I love that I'm not the kind of distant aunt that he has to be reintroduced to every time I see him. I love that his face looks so much like my sister's.

My husband is the best! We've been talking about studying the bible together for a long time. (I usually read and then we discuss). Tonight, for my b-day, he surprised me with a couples' devotional book. It means so much to me for us to discover God as a couple and I know this devotion book will grow us even closer. He is just so good to me.

I guess the only downside to being 31 is that we have to decide in the next 6 months if we are going to have a baby or not. I am pretty certain that we are not, but it is incredibly hard to let go of never having another baby in my body. Lately, I've felt the need to pray about it hard, asking God for His will in the situation. The possible outcomes are way too scary for Austin and I to decide on our own. As a woman, sometimes I feel like a failure that I can't do the one thing that my body was made for. However, because of that, I know God has great plans for me, outside of perfect pregnancies and easy deliveries. I pray that those plans would be revealed.