I can't sleep tonight. Why? Because Tuesday I see an OB/GYN. Why? To find out if I should hold on our let go of the chance of bearing another child. I never thought my biological clock, or whatever it is, would be causing an inner struggle in me. I told myself before that I would never ever bear another child.
I constantly remind myself of all the things that went wrong the first time. Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Preeclampsia, Hellp Syndrome, a premature baby with three holes in her heart and a momma that had pretty severe postpartum depression.
I got my miracle, why do I want more?
Not only are there the risks of the previous pregnancy, but now I add in thyroid disease, a heart problem and I am currently fighting off pre-diabetes. When I write it out, I feel ridiculous for even considering it.
As much as I long for another child, I just don't think my body could handle it. I need a definitive answer. I've prayed and cannot distinguish God's answer from my own desires.
Will we adopt? Who knows... At this point, and for a while in the future, we certainly cannot afford the adoption process. I'm not even sure how we would feel about adopting. At this point, I want a child with my husband, which sounds incredibly selfish.
I want my precious Ainsley to have a sibling, but that is for God to decide, not me.
I constantly remind myself of all the things that went wrong the first time. Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Preeclampsia, Hellp Syndrome, a premature baby with three holes in her heart and a momma that had pretty severe postpartum depression.
I got my miracle, why do I want more?
Not only are there the risks of the previous pregnancy, but now I add in thyroid disease, a heart problem and I am currently fighting off pre-diabetes. When I write it out, I feel ridiculous for even considering it.
As much as I long for another child, I just don't think my body could handle it. I need a definitive answer. I've prayed and cannot distinguish God's answer from my own desires.
Will we adopt? Who knows... At this point, and for a while in the future, we certainly cannot afford the adoption process. I'm not even sure how we would feel about adopting. At this point, I want a child with my husband, which sounds incredibly selfish.
I want my precious Ainsley to have a sibling, but that is for God to decide, not me.
He gives the childless woman a family,
making her a happy mother.
Praise the Lord!
Psalm 113:9
making her a happy mother.
Praise the Lord!
Psalm 113:9
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