Random Thoughts

I am looking forward Holy Week this year. I pray that the Holy Spirit is renewed within me.

My daughter was chosen to speak a part during the Kindergarten performance tonight, and I have never been prouder. She is amazing and there is something so incredibly special about her. She has an old and forgiving soul. I love her.

My husband is amazing. I had a full on mental breakdown (will get to that later) earlier this week and he just held me. I don't know why God gave me such a caring husband. He is my piece of Jesus of here on earth.

I hate the Atkins diet. I LOVE carbs. I used to be a vegetarian, which was an anti-protein diet. It churns my stomach to think that I HAVE to eat so much meat. Barf! Peanut butter is only good for a few days before you start to hate it, too.

My mom has lived in my grandparents' house since they both went to Heaven. She recently had the front of the house completely redone, in a completely different color. Today, when I picked up Ainsley, it was the first time that it hit me that it's not their house anymore. My sister and I had strong opinions against my mom living in that house, but she's making it her own. I'm proud for her.

I have an eye infection and have to put antibiotic ointment in it. It's totally gross and makes my vision blurry. I spent an ten minutes cleaning my glasses before realizing that it was the ointment in my eye, not a spot on my glasses.

I am getting frustrated with Hashimoto's Disease. I want to kick it in the ass. As much as I hate to say it, the truth is, I'm starting to give up hope that I will ever "recover." It's a freaking roller coaster of physical and mental symptoms and I am running out of coping skills. I don't even pray for healing anymore, just that I have the energy to go to work and take care of my family. Recently, I've felt too bad to do either. I am frustrated that I happen to have a disease that attacks you mentally and physically. It doesn't help that my hormones are all jacked up, too. It's like being pregnant, having PMS and menopausal all at the same time.

I hate when my boss says "I feel bad for you because you have major medical problems." I don't want pity, I want to feel better.

I've started talking with an old friend who hurt me during the hardest time in my life. God wanted me to initiate friendship with her again, but I'm not sure I've forgiven her.

Ainsley goes to school with 4 of the same kids she went to preschool with. They have all known each other since they were 2 and a half and are a very close group. It is amazing to see them grow. I pray that they are the kind of group that will always be friends. They are all so different, but precious, special children.

I wish that people put as much into Easter as they do for Christmas. As Christians, shouldn't Easter be the time when we get a week off of work and celebrate? It's OUR day, as Christians, and I'm not sure how a giant bunny that breaks into your house fits into Jesus' Resurrection.

I'm still working on the "Experiencing God" Bible study. My Pastor did an awesome thing by recommending it to me. It's like he knew what I was going through without me giving him all the gory details.

The part I did last night really hit home. It was about praying that God helps you understand your circumstances and the other half of the story, instead of crying out the "why me's?" I'm definitely past the "why me" stage, but I do go through these times when I'm frustrated.

I love those nights when Austin and I sit at the computer and listen to music. We usually end up finding stuff we've never heard before. We waste hours doing this sometimes.

I love reading the Bible. There is not a sentence in there that is not perfection.

"But when Jesus heard about it he said, "Lazurus's sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from this." - John 11:4

Use this sickness, Lord for YOUR glory!

My Three Favorite Peeps

Ainsley FINALLY got back. Too bad she brought the flu with her. The blessing in disguise: she made it through the flu with out any major asthma problems, pneumonia, or a hospital stay! YAY! Her pediatrician was very impressed.

We've just been hanging out the past couple of days, as Ainsley has been exhausted (she slept until 11am on Sunday, which is a first for her).

Here is a picture of my monkey family:

And another of Princess Ainsley and Brady playing yesterday: (I swear these two could pass for siblings).

Don't Take The Road I Took, Sister

I am at a place, a yucky place. A place where I don't know if I should intervene or just let it be. I am very concerned for my sister, her husband and most importantly, my sweet nephew. I just want her to know that I am not judging her or her actions, but trying to show her THE Light. A marriage will not work if you do not lay yourselves down completely before God and each other. They are at that six to seven year mark where so many marriages fail, where I failed the first time. I know that God is the only one who can truly intervene in their marriage, but I also know that they are not at a point where they can listen to Him.

What do I do? He has health problems, she is unsupportive. She emasculates him and doesn't respect him. He walks all over her and says cruel things. It is like watching my life 5 years ago unfold AGAIN before my eyes. It is painful and they will never understand how it affects everyone else, because they can't see past their own skin. She is too good to go to counseling or to listen to me. He has just completely shut down, scared to be in his own skin.

Lord, please intervene. Please open their eyes and crush their stubborn hearts. Break them and build them. Please don't let them get to a point where they hate each other so much that they do not think of how it is affecting their child. The child YOU gave them, Father. They need You, they need You to crush the narcissism, to heal the disease. God, please help them. I cannot bear to see my nephew hurt in the same ways that my daughter hurt. Protect my nephew, Lord. Lord, guide me in what you want me to do in the situation.

It's like having all of the answers to a test, but you can't speak or write.

Ainsley

The first picture is just, plain 'ol Ainsley Sass!

The second one is when she lost her tooth a month ago. :) I just haven't posted the picture! Those blue eyes melt me!!

While she is out of town this week, I am going to try to work out EVERY day! We'll see how it goes!

I'm having one of THOSE days. We got up late, at 7:30, 15 minutes before Ainsley has to be at school.

Then, I step on the scale... I've GAINED 8 pounds since amping up my workout? This is frustrating me to no end!!!

Third, I get to work (on time, miraculously) and the 'ol office hags are whispering, glancing at me, whispering. This is a daily occurence, as there have been a couple of people here for 10+ years and they think they own the place, and I've come in and streamlined things... They hate that I "do things different." It's been 8 months, GET OVER IT!!!!

And, lastly, we have a stinking wedding and rehearsal dinner to go to this weekend. I would usually look forward to the occasion, except Ainsley was supposed to go. We told everyone that Ainsley was going. Now my ex-husband is taking her to Houston for 8 days, and she's not going. And the whole night will be "Where is Ainsley? Where is Ainsley?" and I'll have to be reminded 100 times that things are different with us and I don't get to have my daughter every day.

Lately, this has been excrutiating for me. I often feel like Ainsley does not get invited by friends to do things because of the custody situation. That people don't want to "subject" their kids to it.

Ok, I'm done venting and will focus on the blessings for the rest of the day. :)

Whew, I did it!!!

Since taking this job, I have felt a real calling to do SOMETHING with these women here. Most of them are not Christian, or, if they are, they do not walk with Christ. I have been doing the "Experiencing God" study and it has really changed me. After praying last night, I discovered that God wants me to start a Bible study with these women. They are all young, professional and all are either married and/or have kids. I chose "Victoriously Frazzled" as the study, since it's fun and pretty easy to lead.

I sent the email out about 30 minutes ago... I'm praying that at least someone will respond and that I will not get persecuted for following God. This job has been a true test of my faith, as most of these women are catty and some are just cruel. UPDATE: One girls has responded, the only one that shares faith with me.

On another note, here are some fun pictures. The first one is of Ainsley on the day she lost her first tooth. It was a couple of weeks ago, and we have since cut her hair to her chin, so I'll try to get a new pic of her this week!

The second one is of our dog, Macy. She went into heat before we got her scheduled to be spayed. I have never had the joy of dealing with a dog in heat, and those stupid doggie diapers were the biggest waste of $10 I've ever spent. Desperate times call for creative measures. I took a pair of Ainsley's Curious George panties, cut a hole for the tale, stuck an extra long maxi pad in them, and VOILA... It worked!

My Boss Called Me Stupid

So, I broke out the old IQ Test. Why I care, I don't know... Just wanted to make sure that I am not clinically "stupid."

Please pray for my career. I feel God leading me in another direction and I can't get there fast enough.