There's a Fungus Among Us

So, it is officially confirmed that I have a systemic yeast infection. It is basically a progression of autoimmune disease and supposedly after this is killed off, I will be on the other side of this mountain.

Here are the catches: I have to be on a special diet (will get to that in a moment) and an anti-fungal powder (nasty) for 3 months to 3 years. What a range, huh?

The diet?

The worst part is: NO DIET COKE!! ARGH! (Please pray I don't kill someone while weaning off of Diet Coke).

Here is the list of the No's: No sugar or artificial sweetners. No preservatives (MSG, citric acid). No canned foods, condiments, salad dressings or canned vegetables.

No frozen or canned juices. No wine, beer or any alcohol. (Can I drink ANYTHING?)

No wheat, rye, barley, breads, muffins, rolls or baked goods with those ingredients.

No MILK products. (milk, cheese (Lord, help us), yogurt, ice cream, sour cream). Turns out that I am allergic to milk. WooHoo

Nothing with vinegar in it: mustard, mayo, pickles, soy sauce, bbq sauce.

No mushrooms.

No salt unless it is sea salt.

No caffeine: No coffee, tea, chocolate (another prayer, please).

The only meat I can eat is meat that is 100% organic.

The good news is, losing that 20 pounds I talked about in my previous post, should not be a problem!! :-)

I went to Market Street, just to find stuff I can eat (Rice cakes, almond butter, Rice Milk). -- Almond butter is $10, by the way. So, I will be yeast free and broke, but I'll be skinny!!

Philippians 1:19

"I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance."

I wanted a "verse of the day" today, and this came up. Oh, how my God is speaking to me.

I was going to post about my illness, how that, for the past month, it is sucking the life out of me and I am growing weary and frustrated.

Sitting here at work thinking, "WHY????" Why was I so dizzy last night that I couldn't lift my head, which made me miss fellowship with my life group? Why do I have no energy and need (not want) to sleep 15 hours a day?

I won't lie, I am frustrated. I am pissed off that it's been three years and I'm still wrestling with this on an everyday basis. I am tired of this.

I am depressed.

But, I guess somehow, "what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance."

Rants, Raves and Other Stuff

1. This morning, I stopped at Market Street to get a Diet Coke. There was a man in a suit hunched over, eating a banana. I thought for a second "I know God created me, but I'm pretty sure you are a product of evolution." - Wrong, I know!

2. I'm counting down the days until we are free from Ainsley's Kindergarten teacher.

3. Apparently, it is not called "Play Day" anymore. My 6 year old has repeatedly corrected me. It is "Buddy Field Day." I'm old.

4. My daughter BETTER sing at her recital on Sunday. I have a sneaking suspicion that she is going to chicken out.

5. Seriously, I am going to lose 20 pounds this summer.

6. I have a systemic yeast infection and it really skeeves me out to think of these things growing on my organs.

7. In reference to number 4, I want to be able to wear a sleeveless shirt without people going "EWWWWWWWWWW"

8. I am the most hated person in the region right now at work. No other managers understand why I am the last lady standing and I wasn't laid off. They are all trying to make me feel guilty. In fact, the Midland manager came into town yesterday and said "My girl has been with the company 15 years and I don't understand why you are staying. You've been here 10 months." My response: "Thank you! That is just what I needed to hear. I only have 10 years experience AND a college degree, I don't know why they picked me."

9. I have a meeting next week with LCU to discuss going back to school to get my teaching certificate in Special Education. God told me that I am supposed to work with Autistic/OCD kids. So, number 7 really doesn't matter anyway. :)

10. I am so glad that God brought us the Archer family. We love hanging out with them. Nothing is funnier than Grayson coming in the living room in his tighty whities and asking where his Spiderman suit is. Makes me want to have a boy!

11. I am getting my hair done today. I was printing out pictures and a girl at work said I look just like Lisa Loeb. (--Maybe 20 pounds ago).

Forgiveness is a Gift?

Throughout my life, I can say that I forgave out of obedience. I never got anything from it, and thought of it as a selfless act for God.

Today, that all changed.

Two years, a close friend of mine tore my heart out. We had built a business together and I was about to become a partner in the business. She was going through some stuff and I was just learning how sick I was. Three days into radiation, she called me and said she wanted to part ways. I had never felt such devastation in my life. I had officially lost it all.

I had not talked to her since then.

God had been putting her in my heart lately, but I brushed it off.

Today came the opportunity to see her again for the first time, and when we hugged, I realized how much I have missed her. It wasn't a fake hug or fake words, it was all from the heart and it was amazing. We laughed together and joked like we used to.

I had finally forgiven.

What a gift to let go and TRULY forgive and forget. Not holding any feelings hostage, just letting them all go.

I cannot wait to see her again!

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me about true forgiveness and for bringing her back into my life.

New Job For Me

Same company, new job. They saved 5 out of 50 people and I somehow made the cut! Glory to God!

Our Hope Endures

So, seriously, I'm thinking of quitting this whole blog thing.

There are obvious reasons... Personal info available to the world, etc...

But, I've just noticed that recently, I do not blog about any of the positive things in our lives (and believe me, they outweigh the negative). Since I was a child, I have used writing to express my true feelings and to vent. And, I tend to save the touchy-feelies for the scrapbooks.

I have noticed that some of my blogging friends have become distant IRL "in real life," and I wonder if it's because of the stuff I post. Who knows?

So, I am going to let my dad copy the pics and posts that he wants and I'll probably be "shuttin' her down," as least to the public.

It's not like I "blog" about anything that would change the world.

Just a head's up!

I will say this: Right now, my family needs a miracle. God is leading me somewhere, but I'm not sure Austin agrees with it right now. It's tearing me in two. And, Ainsley had her worst asthma flare yet, since she was diagnosed 3 years ago. She is doing 1000% better, thankfully and back to her sassy, busy self!!

I'd like to end with this song. I heard it on the way to work the other day and I know that God wanted me to hear it. It has been on my heart ever since.

Our Hope Endures by Natalie Grant

Here is a link to listen and below are the lyrics... Who am I to think that my illness and our financial issues are the only trial God will put us through? I love that God would choose to use me.

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume that this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain
Our joy at a good man's wake
Walk a mile with a woman whose body is torn
With illness but she marches on

Sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear
But our hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
Emanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient

We never walk alone
This is our hope
Our hope endures, the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
let the earth quake
let the earth quake
let the earth quake
Our hope is unchanged

My Flight Has Been Delayed/Cancelled/On Time?

Just an update on the job situation:

Monday morning, I learn that it will be another week before anything is officially announced.

Monday afternoon, a vague email is sent out to every employee. You'd have to be an idiot not to read between the lines.

Tuesday, I learn that I am probably safe and I feel completely confident and at ease.

Wednesday, I overhear the VP of the company on a phone call with my ex-boss (it was on speakerphone), and I am for certain being axed, despite the VP trying to save me.

Now, I am officially worried. Now, I officially feel sick. I know it is in God's hands. It's just so hard to lose this job.