And we're back!!!

Wow! The past couple of weeks have gone by so fast!

First, we went to Puerto Vallarta. We had some travel delays along the way, but we made it right before sunset. We had a blast in Mexico and Ainsley loved it. Hearing her speak Spanish was the cutest thing ever! This trip was much more cultural than any of the others and I really enjoyed that aspect of it.

Here are pics from the trip.

This was the first time Austin, Ains and I have been somewhere together. And even though the 2 of them kicked me out of the king sized bed and I slept on the couch, I loved the special time the three of us had together. Ainsley was so happy!! It's wonderful to see how much the bond between Austin and Ainsley strengthens.

I got a sore throat in Mexico, but did not let it bother me. I suspected it was strep, but since I rarely get strep, assumed it was a cold. On the way home I developed a horrible itchy rash. I went to the doc on the 24th and my strep swab (which I hate! No, really, poke me with a thousand needles, just don't swab my throat) came back negative and I was told it was viral.

A few hours later, Ains and I get a violent stomach bug. I end up in the hospital, Ains is with my mom puking and opening up Santa gifts in between puking. :) We find out that the rest of the family (minus Linley) that we traveled with got the same bug... It multiplies like crazy. All of Ainsley's dad's family gets it.. It was rotten.

That was Christmas Day. I go back to the doc the after Christmas and he tells me he sent my blood off and it is strep. Austin is feeling pretty crappy by this point, too.

I went back to work today, still feeling icky and feverish. My stomach is finally back to normal, but I feel like I have the flu. This happened last year when I got back from Mexico and I'm just so frustrated. I do not think I have ever spent so much time praying for mercy.

My goal for 2009 is to do whatever it takes to remain as healthy as possible. I cannot take anymore of these illnesses. A simple case of strep brings complete havoc to my body and it frustrates me to no end.

I felt so bad that my mom spent so much time preparing a "perfect" Christmas, with Santa, and a yummy lunch and I didn't even see her on Christmas.

BUT WAIT! Something good did come of all this. My husband has shown me more grace than I could ever deserve. He's had a hard time with the sympathy/mercy things in our marriage, but he took amazing care of me. He was my answered prayer during all of this, especially when he held me in the hospital when I began crying at 7am, realizing that I was going to miss Ainsley opening her Santa gifts and I would not have another chance to see her do that for 2 years. He has an amazing way of picking up my pieces and putting them back together. I love you, Austin!!

If I could ask for one prayer it would be for health into the New Year. I started the past 2 years off pretty sick and I just want to start off well.

Happy New Year!

What a wonderful day!

As hectic as Sundays usually are, today was wonderful and filled with the Spirit. We had a great church experience. God used me, unexpectedly, to show grace and love to a friend in great need (which was an amazing experience, thank you, Lord, for using me! I feel so undeserving of such a blessing).

Our house is clean, woohoo! I LOVE for the house to be clean when we leave town, so that our home is cozy and comfy when we get back.

I actually baked today, which was fun.

We had a wonderful small group time. God has put us with such a group of amazing people. I am absolutely humbled by it. And, we as talked about witnessing tonight, a little light bulb went off in my head (usually a sign that God is about to do something great), and He did.

On the way home, Ainsley said that she was afraid that she was going to die in her sleep tonight. Flashbacks rushed over me as I remembered lying awake so many nights as a child with that same fear. It was already an hour past her bed time, but I needed to talk to her more about this. I had bought her a bedtime prayer and devotion book for Christmas, but decided that tonight was the night to give it to her.

She opened it and, while she loves books, she wondered why I had let her open it tonight. We had an open and honest conversation about being anxious (she also developed a stomach ache right after telling us that she was afraid to die in her sleep). I explained to her that while I was growing up, no one ever told me who God was, and I spent so many nights worry what would happen if I died in my sleep. I told her that it took me a long time, but I finally turned my life over to Jesus and trusted Him with that.

I went on to tell her more about how much God loves her and how He will protect her and that He knows she is afraid. We read a story about how God uses our talents to service Him, and I used her piano recital at the nursing home as an example. How God had used her to brighten their day and give them something to look forward to and how happy they were to have children playing for and mingling with them. She said "Wow, God chose me for that?"

We ended in an emotional prayer. She actually broke down before God and asked for his help in not being scared. It was the most pure moment I have ever been a part of. It almost felt like she had accepted Christ tonight, although I am sure she is technically too young. It was amazing to be able to say to her what could have helped me as a child. She is so much like me, that it scares me sometimes, but it is also exciting in that I have some insight into her insecurities.

Thank you, Lord, for using me to witness to my daughter, to show her The Way, The Truth and The Light. Thank you for our friends and our family. Most of all, thank you for my wonderful husband who has unshakable faith and constantly reminds me to fully trust in You.

Ne-Ne and Pa-Pa

I miss them both, so incredibly much. Especially during times of family difficulties, I am reminded of what a blessing they were in my life. I am sad you are gone from this earth, but glad you are together in Heaven, rejoicing.

Whew!! I think I dodged a bullet!!!

I went to the ENT today, fully expecting to be told that I need surgery (Kim Downer, yes). Well, after a few tests, it seems that I have some hearing loss in my left ear (the one that is always giving me problems), and that type of hearing loss, along with tinnitus (probably related to my auto-immune disorders) cause my symptoms!!! I still have to go to a 2nd opinion ENT next week, because my doctor said he saw a certain kind of cyst/tumor in my ear, but for now, this is the best medical appointment I've had!! I'd rather be deaf than deal with surgery. So, I will keep praying for next week's appointment.

On another note, I wish we could all reflect on how blessed we are. Austin and I visited the soup kitchen at Family Church tonight and it really hit home. There are so many homeless and hungry in our own community, yet most of us ignore them day after day. I felt so secure knowing that I had a warm home to go to and loving husband and child to take care of, while these people were taking a bus back to the library, where many of the homeless sleep.

Count your blessings!

Holidays and Naivety

I do not consider myself naive, except when it comes to the Holidays. Up until the last few years, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas was my favorite part of the year. Sadly, "The most wonderful time of the year" tends to get more stressful with each year. It is hard having Ainsley's birthday right before or after Thanksgiving, but we always seem to make it work.

This year we got Ainsley a swing set. My mom, Austin's parents and Austin and I all put money together to get Ainsley the absolute coolest playground ever! Sadly, I think this swing set caused way too much stress for all of us. Everyone had to let Ainsley know that they paid for a part of it or that so and so worked an hour on it. It was quite unnerving, really. Ainsley could care less who paid for it or who put it together. All she cares about is that it is in her backyard!! It reminded me of the days when my grandmother would leave the price tags on everything and include the receipt (with the price on it) with all the gifts.

Fast forward a couple of days to her party. My mom and her other grandmother got her a DS. My mom was mad. My mom buys her a swimming puppy, which her great-grandmother also happened to buy her. My dad gets her roller skates, my mother-in-law gets her roller skates. Somehow, I end up taking the hit on all of these, as if I am the Ultimate Gift Controller.

It makes me sad that we get so tied up in "stuff." And, honestly, I am upset at some of our family for taking away some of my enjoy in celebrating the birth of my only child. It is hurtful when the women are so catty about petty things.

Sometimes, with Austin's family, I feel like I am will never be good enough or will never live up to their expectations. My family has enough of it's own problems... All of our families' problems boil down to narcissism, and I really feel if we were living according to God's word, we would end the narcissism and put each other first.

So, as of December 1st, I am going to enjoy the Holidays. I am going to love my Christmas tree (even though some consider it an idol), I am going to play Santa... I am going to experience Christmas again and ignore all the family hoopla.

November 26, 2002

Today, my baby is six years old (actually, not until 7:01pm). A lot of people say that birth is a miracle, but Ainsley's birth WAS truly a miracle! In fact, at 4:15pm, exactly six years ago, I was clinically dead. I look back at that time and think about how spiritually dead I was, as well. Even though it was a rough way for Ainsley to enter the world, God knew what He was doing.

Some years this day each year has been bittersweet. A lot of anxiety surrounds the 25th and 26th of November to me. Well, I should say surrounded. I have not had a panic attack while remembering her birth this year. I still remember every vivid detail of those 2 days, but I seem to be "over" it. It is a blessed feeling.

We started the day by singing Happy Birthday and then Ainsley came up to work with me until noon. She is just such a good child. She was amazing at work, just coloring and doing her own thing. I remember when they handed her to me after she was born, I thought "Now what? How on earth am I going to do this?" She has definitely made parenting fun and easy for us. She is and always will be my baby. My precious little 7lb 1oz miracle who wasn't supposed to make it through the birth or through her heart ailments without surgery. She is a beautiful example of God's work.

A Cute Picture and Some Thoughts

My sassy little Ainsley is about to be six years old. It does not even seem possible. Six seems so big kid-like, and less toddlerish. It is amazing how fast six years goes by. I actually remember the exact moment she came into this world! She is just precious and amazing.

This weekend was wonderful. Even though I dreaded the womens' retreat because of my anti-socialness, it turned out to be wonderfully healing. There were a lot of things from the past that I needed to let go of that were driving me crazy with guilt and I think I've finally let them go. I also realized that a lot of people do care and pray for my family and me, I just have to let them in and let down the concrete wall I tend to build around myself.

I love our small group and am so thankful that God put such a fun group together. It is much better and less frightening than I thought it would be, mostly due to God's timing of starting a new one.

In terms of my health, I am working on not being so frustrated with it. In fact, I listed out every symptom, twinge, disease, etc. I had during prayer the other night and handed it over to our Saviour. I figure that He would know what to do with it, much more than I or any doctor could ever do. It feels good to release it. And today, as I would attempt to pull back my control over my health, I would re-release it, right back to Him. It is a huge step in faith for me to let it go and I know it will take some time.

However, there are some things that I can control in my health that I am going to work on.. Such as getting more sleep (6 hours is not near enough for me), eating better (I tend to eat comfort foods when I'm not feeling well), exercising again (I was doing so good until I got sick), and some other things that I need to stop doing, so that I know I've done all I can on my end for my health!

I have also decided to give up on the dream of singing. I'm a horrible singer, but since I was a child, dreamed of singing at church. I've decided that I will sing to God when it is just He and I (mostly in the car)!!! ;-)

We are getting ready for a super busy 2 months and cannot wait to get away from it all in Mexico! It is like a break from reality when we go there and we are so blessed to be able to share it with Ainsley this year. My in-laws are the best!

Mercy Me, I Have Pneumonia!

I cannot seem to find the words to describe this weekend.

Friday night, I thought would just be a fun "concert." But God had different plans for me. Somewhere in there, I found myself heavily grieving my Ne-Ne. She died so suddenly and it hurts so bad that I get these bursts of grief. I am thankful that the grief only comes in spurts because it is so incredibly painful. She was my rock, she was my mom. Even though she's been in Heaven for over a year, I still find myself picking up the phone to call her and tell her about my day. Oh, how she adored Ainsley and would be so in love with her right now. Losing both of my grandparents, my favorite people in the world, so close together is achingly hard. My Ne-Ne just could not wait to join Pa-Pa in heaven. I often have a vision of their two smiling faces looking down on all of us, even though my selfishness still wishes at least one of them were still here. Pa-Pa and Austin would have been a great pair!

Saturday morning, I woke up and still felt so horrible from the cold I had all week. Something felt "off," so I went to the clinic. When they told me I have pneumonia, it was like getting punched in the chest (well, I already felt that way to begin with). Work was calling me over and over about running a wrong commercial and I was so frustrated. I had a mini-meltdown, crying to my mom that work sucks the life out of me and I would not be so sick had I not had to go back to work. Honestly, sometimes I just think I was not bred for working. All it is to me is money. So, I get the work thing taken care of and get my boss off my back ( I DO NOT work on Saturdays and sometimes I hate that we have cell phones)!

I was feeling awful, but we had bought MercyMe tickets for $50 and I really didn't want them to go to waste or regret not going, so, God gave me enough energy to get in the shower and get there.

Austin and I laugh because I am one of those people who has to be slapped in the face by God to truly get it. MercyMe was promoting "Compassion," where you sponsor a child. For some reason, I raise my hand to receive one of the packets. It's for an 11 year old girl in Haiti with some major health problems. After we already agree that we are supposed to take care of this little girl, Austin looks in the envelope and sees that there is an update on her... She is in the hospital with pneumonia. It took my breath away.

Later in the concert, a teary Bart was talking about his son's type I diabetes and how he has to remind himself everyday that it has to, somehow, be for God's glory. Somedays, he reminds himself of that every hour. I finally got it. It is okay for me to have to remind myself that this broken body of mine must be for God's glory. I'm not a bad Christian if I have to repeat that to myself over and over. I have always felt guilty for being scared or angry when it comes to my illnesses, and I realized last night that it is okay.

So, even though I am missing my Ainsley, it was healing weekend. I never thought I could be blessed by pneumonia, but God made it happen. Going to spend the rest of the weekend taking care of this broken body of mine and loving on my husband.

After the Dr's Visit

Well, I'm allowed to go up on my thyroid hormone, however, I just have an instinctive feeling that is not the problem. My thyroid was fairly normal, for me. Iron levels, DHEA, everything else was okay.

I'm wondering if I should see my cardiologist. I'm just so freaking tired, exhausted and weak. I've been getting more skippy heart feelings, etc... It's just such a pain to be going back and forth to the dr since going back to work.

I'm just at a loss. I was so praying that this would be an easy fix. I'm so scared that it is my heart.

Thank YOU!!

I am so incredibly blessed to have the greatest in-laws ever. I have not been feeling well for a month and have been unable to keep up with housework. Today, my mother-in-law sent her cleaning ladies over and they cleaned my house from top to bottom (even the places that I dare not venture when I do clean!). I was brought to tears today when I thought about all the times they have been there for us and how they welcomed Ainsley and I into their family like we had always been a part of them. They are truly the family I always dreamed to be a part of and we are so blessed.

Thank you for being there for me throughout this entire illness and going back to work. I love you both!!!

Be Still And Know That I Am God

Since I have a new layout, I should post.

Work has gone much better than I ever expected, which is definitely an answered prayer! Ains had some problems adjusting at first, but she is happy as can be now. We are still catching up financially, but I think when I finally have my own health insurance in December, we will be in much better shape. We are tired of being poor!!

My health has held up beautifully, until sometime last week. I had noticed that "rolling downhill" feeling and now I am pretty sure that I am back to being hypo. I am getting better at riding the roller coaster, but it is still frustrating. It is such a delicate balance of meds... Not enough thryoid, off the heart medicine, too much thyroid, back on the heart medicine. Not to mention the panic attacks and tiredness. I do not freak out near as bad as I used to, but yesterday I actually fell asleep at my desk, then went to my mom's hosue and slept as my nephew and daughter ran around screaming. My mom was amazed that I slept through it. :)

I go to the doctor today, so hopefully it is just an easy adjustment of my thyroid meds. Sometimes, I think that surgery would have been better than the radiation. But, it's a done deal, looking back does no good.

The one good thing is that during these yucky times, I do grow closer to God. I usually feel so icky and down that it's just Him and me trying to work through it. I was reminded yesterday to not get anxious and panicky about my health, just to be still and let Him heal me.

Despair

I'm having such a hard time with the fact that I am going back to work full-time on Monday. I just feel it isn't right. It does not feel right, it does not taste right, it does not smell right. It's hard on my daughter. She cried this morning at school when I left her because I won't be able to take her or pick her up anymore. I won't see her everyday anymore and all this for the price of $1600 take home a month? To me, it's so not worth it, but I have to do it for my husband.

I know life isn't fair, believe me, I KNOW, but I want to be the first one each day that hears about my baby's day. I want to be room mother, I want to be the one that is able to stay home with her when she is sick. I need to see her everyday. I can't possibly go 5 days with out her. I'll lose myself.

Politcal Discussions

Ahh, nothing like a good 'ol "moral" political discussion among family members. Yesterday, I was abruptly reminded why I don't discuss politics with family.

I can not get this all out of my head, so I'm going to try to release it.

First of all, NO, I would not personally choose abortion under any circumstance. I would not choose invitro fertilization either, because half of the "frozen embryos" are destroyed (which, to me, constitutes abortion, but right-ists fail to answer that because we all know lots of people with in our churches who have been through this procedure). However, I don't think that either party should be robbed of a clean medical procedure.

I mentioned that morals don't belong in politics and I was wrong. But if you are going to apply morals to politics, don't just pick and choose where it neatly fits for your personal beliefts, apply to all aspects of government.

How about the military? The Bible clearly says "THOU SHALT NOT KILL," but you right-ests try to avoid that. How about the fact that we are each others brothers and sisters and we are to take care of one another? Again, right-ests tend to avoid that, as well.

My personal point of view is that if you want to argue morals and politics, apply it across the board, not just in a rightEOUS, right-est way. How would Jesus REALLY want it to be?

Thankfulness and Randomness

Wow, I'm 31. In some ways it feels old, but I have to admit that the thirties are liberating. You have just enough wisdom to not make stupid mistakes anymore, but still so much life ahead of you to look forward to. God is telling me that this is going to be an amazing year and I am just going to sit back, relax and let Him unfold his plans.

On another note, my baby is starting kindergarten. It just does not seem possible. Keeping my nephew today reminded me of how fast my baby has grown up. It seems cliche, but just yesterday she was learning to walk and babbling (a LOT)! And now she is this complex, brilliant, sensitive little person about to start a 16 year walk in education. In some ways, she and I are excited, but I think we both know that it will be a new chapter in our lives. We've gotten so close being together every day this summer and it's going to be hard not to have her all to myself during the day. She's not only my daughter, but my little friend. I'm praying that I get this job just to ease the transition for both of us.

I absolutely love being an aunt. I feel so blessed to be able to spend so much time with my nephew. I love that he knows his "Aunt Kiki" and acts completely spoiled around me. I adore that as soon as he sees me, he reaches out his arms for me to hold him and wants no one else to carry him around. I enjoyed just lying down with him, relaxing. I love that I'm not the kind of distant aunt that he has to be reintroduced to every time I see him. I love that his face looks so much like my sister's.

My husband is the best! We've been talking about studying the bible together for a long time. (I usually read and then we discuss). Tonight, for my b-day, he surprised me with a couples' devotional book. It means so much to me for us to discover God as a couple and I know this devotion book will grow us even closer. He is just so good to me.

I guess the only downside to being 31 is that we have to decide in the next 6 months if we are going to have a baby or not. I am pretty certain that we are not, but it is incredibly hard to let go of never having another baby in my body. Lately, I've felt the need to pray about it hard, asking God for His will in the situation. The possible outcomes are way too scary for Austin and I to decide on our own. As a woman, sometimes I feel like a failure that I can't do the one thing that my body was made for. However, because of that, I know God has great plans for me, outside of perfect pregnancies and easy deliveries. I pray that those plans would be revealed.

Ha, And the funny thing is, we don't have a spare for this car.

Like sands through the hour glass, these are the days of our lives.....

Some would call this complaining, I call it venting

AGHHHHHHHHHHHH

I brought this computer hoping that I'd at least get 45 minutes on the Internet to search for life's answers, but of course, a major university wouldn't have internet access at their rec center. I just have to smile, because it's all these litter ridiculous things that are getting to me.

Maybe I can release some of this anguish by writing.

I feel like none of my prayers are being answered right now. I almost feel like they are not even being heard. Simple things, like "God, please let my DHEA arrive in the mail today, for it is what gives me energy and energy is needed for coping." Of course, it didn't come today, even though it was priority mailed to me last Thursday. I can't afford to go pick it up at Caprock only to have to turn around and pay the mail order place again in a few weeks. I take the part about not answering any prayers back. Last night I prayed that I would at least wake up today.

I'm not good with exact verses or books in the Bible, but I have been slowly reading the Bible in its entirely (although not in order) over the past year. I remember reading somewhere that when you are angry with God that you should just tell him, let it all out. He already knows anyway. I have to say that I am actually afraid to release all of that onto him. What if he sends more wrath down upon me? I cannot possibly handle anymore.

Things are scary. I looked at Austin yesterday on the way to his parents house from eating and I said "You know, I'm just plain scared, I don't know what is going to happen to us." I am terrified. So much that I have forgotten how to take a deep breath. Not just about the obvious money issues.. I mean, our mortgage is due in 10 days and we have no way to pay it.. Hopefully our electricity isn't going to get turned off, because we can't pay that bill this month. Hopefully we can still bathe, because the gas bill can't be paid. I think I can handle that. What I can't handle is the effect it has on my marriage and my child. Sometimes I feel like everyone looks at me with such disappointment, like this is all my fault. I can see how it is easy to come to that conclusion from the outside, but I want to assure everyone, (my husband, my family, MYSELF) that I am trying. I almost feel "duped." I felt led to stay home with Ainsley this summer to be able to spend time with her before kindergarten. We knew that meant little chance for job searching or job getting, but I really felt like God was going to take care of us, that it would be okay. Instead, it's not even close to ok. "Ok" has been blown off the freaking map. When Austin tells me that he nearly threw up and had a panic attack yesterday at work, my heart breaks over and over. I feel like he could have done so much better. I feel guilty that he was brought into my sickness and my inability to be hired by anyone.

Then last night, as if I don't feel like enough of a loser, Ainsley has a complete meltdown. During the meltdown, I prayed "Please, God, I feel it coming, please don't let her go there..." Well, as soon as I prayed that, she launched into "I wish my mom and dad were still married." I assure her that it isn't her fault, but she is up until almost midnight crying about it. Again, I feel like I've failed in every single facet of my life. I have nothing left to offer anyone and I feel like everyone is staring at me wondering what the hell is wrong with me.. Why is she such a loser?

98% of me knows that God will somehow get us through this. That our marriage will survive this, that Ainsley will eventually forgive me, and that money will just drop out of the sky so I don't have to go sleep choking back the need to vomit because of this stress. But 2% of me is screaming out "This isn't how it is supposed to be." On Saturday, I absolutely lost it, thinking about the past 5 years. Yes, there have been some major blessings and I am so grateful for them, but it seems like every blessing is attached to 20 pieces of pain. Not just everyday-normal pain, but MAJOR losses.

My pregnancy... Ha, how I would love to forget the longest 8 months of my life. The nearly dying at the very end and begging God to just let me see Ainsley before I go. The health problems that it brought out.. Yet, in every conversation with someone we haven't seen for a while or in people we are trying to connect with, the question of "Are you having more?" comes up. I usually laugh. At this point, there is no way I am even tempting Satan by getting pregnant. That brings a lot of sadness in itself. The one thing women are supposed to be able to do, I can't. It's almost comical in a painful way. Every baby I see, every happy glowing pregnant women is a reminder "You'll never have this."

Ugh. I'm going to quit before I start bawling in front of these people around me that have no idea what is going on in our lives.

But I'm scared. I'm scared my marriage won't survive this because Austin seems so angry at me. I know this isn't what he signed up for and I know that he deserves so much more. I'm scared my child will always hate me for not allowing myself to be miserable my whole life. I'm scared that I'll end up with diabetes, despite my efforts of going on this ridiculous diet. I'm just scared. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of stress. I need a break. I need rest. I need alone time, yet I need to be around people who truly love me. I'm so confused.

Are You Stressed?

That was the question the doctor asked me the other day. He gets all over me about not controlling my stressors. How can I control some things, though? How can I control that I am not getting any of these jobs that I apply/interview for? How can I control being so broke that I don't know how to feed my child her next meal some days? How can I control not being able to afford the medications and equipment the doc prescribes me? How can I control adding these other health issues on top of the ones I've already got? I didn't ask for this! And some days I just want to scream that at the top of my lungs. Yes, doc.. In fact, I've never been this stressed out in my entire life. I feel so useless and helpless and the more I pray about it and give it to God, the more I feel like I'm drowning. I feel so embarassed and beaten to be in this situation.

On a happier note, here is a new picture of my princess...

It's not about the free dog!

It's about being Ainsley's hero, just once.

Why Mommy Is A Democrat

I've always wanted to purchase this book, but I don't want to push my political agenda on my child.

Our sermon last week really made me ask some hard questions about money, family and the human race.

If Christians are to give their resources freely (because, they aren't ours anyway), why are they so greedy? Why do we tend to help people, financially, that we hardly know, rather than help those closest to us that are struggling? I've always said that if we had enough money to even pay our bills, I would freely give to those in need.

For example, my mom inherits a LOT of money. She buys lunch for her "friends" and will donate to their charities, but will she help out when we are completely broke and don't have enough for my daughter's asthma medicine? No.

I see the above situation over and over in our lives. I tend to notice it more now, that we are actually poor, than I did when we were well off. I get tired of my entire family thinking that I am just lazy, as if I don't feel bad enough about the financial situation myself. I'm the one paying off the loan for a degree that I don't even have a job to show for. Why is not okay that God wants me to be with my child this summer?

Anyway, I could go into rant after rant today (gotta love PMS), but it is hard to be poor. And even if you WERE poor, but now are wealthy, you never truly remember what it was like. I have to believe if all of those who once needed help and now are wealthy truly did remember the hardships, they would try to ease the hardships on anyone else that they could.

I just see so many families in need right now and there are so many that can help out (that are Christian), but they don't. So, yes, we do need the government to remind us to share our toys with everyone. That's why Mommy is a Democrat!

If everyday could be this much fun!

This Is A Big Step For Me

I am quite a private person and have never made my blog public or invited anyone close to me to read it.....Mostly because of fear of what others might think of me. However, for some reason, when turn about 30, you cease to care what anyone thinks anymore. So, here goes.. For better or for worse!